When a parent lives alone, it is natural to worry. From the many conversations we have with son’s and daughter’s, we know that older people often say they don’t want to share their home.
Yet you may still find yourself wondering whether they have eaten properly, whether they are feeling lonely or how they manage once the front door closes behind you.
The idea of someone sharing their home can feel reassuring to you. There would be another person around, some everyday company and a helping hand with practical tasks.
But what happens when your parent doesn’t want it?
You may see the benefits clearly, while they see a loss of privacy, a change to their routines or the uncomfortable prospect of living with someone they don’t yet know. Finding a way forward starts with understanding both perspectives.
Your reassurance matters—and so does their choice
Wanting your parent to have company and support comes from a place of care. However, they are the person who would be sharing their home.
What feels like reassurance to you may feel like a loss of independence to them. If conversations focus mainly on your worries, your parent may feel they are being asked to change their life to make everyone else feel better.
Try starting with how life feels for them:
“What do you enjoy about living on your own? Is there anything you find harder, or any time you wish you had some company?”
Their answers may be different from what you expect.
Find out what sits behind the “no”
“I don’t want someone living here” can mean many things.
Your parent might worry about having to cook for another person, make conversation all evening or change how they use their own home. They may be concerned about their belongings, visitors or whether they could end an arrangement that wasn’t working.
You could say:
“When you think about sharing, what would worry you most?”
Listen before offering solutions. Some concerns can be addressed through clear agreements and careful matching. Others may simply mean that sharing is not something they want.
Talk about what they might gain
Rather than saying, “You shouldn’t be on your own,” try connecting the conversation to something your parent has said they would appreciate.
“You mentioned that cooking for one feels like a chore. How would you feel about someone helping prepare supper and sharing a meal with you a few evenings a week?”
Or:
“I know you enjoy your own space, but you’ve said the evenings can feel long. Would you be interested in hearing how Homeshare works?”
Keep the possibilities realistic. A Sharer has their own life and commitments. They offer agreed companionship and practical help; they are not a carer or a source of round-the-clock support.
Make the first step small
Hearing about Homeshare does not have to mean agreeing to it.
You might say:
“You don’t have to make a decision. We could have a chat with a Homeshare agency, ask your questions and see what you think.”
If your parent is interested, they should be involved in choosing a potential Sharer and discussing how the arrangement would work. Knowing that they can decide who shares their home and agree expectations beforehand may help them feel more comfortable.
Leave room for an honest answer
Sometimes, after talking it through, your parent will still say no. That can be difficult when you remain worried, but repeatedly raising the subject can leave them feeling pressured.
You can keep the conversation open:
“I understand that you don’t want to share your home. If you ever feel differently, we can look at it again. In the meantime, let’s talk about what support you would welcome.”
At Share and Care Homeshare, we are happy to talk with families and answer questions. We know that it can take time for a parent to feel comfortable with the idea and see what it might offer them.
Sometimes families contact us only after a parent has had a fall or spent time in hospital and feels less confident about living alone. We encourage people to explore their options earlier, while there is time to consider them calmly and make choices together.
Our advice is to start with a gentle conversation. It may give your parent something to think about, without asking them to decide before they are ready.
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